The Shooting at the Islamic Center Shattered My Daughter's World

A chaotic scene unfolded at Clairemont Canyons Academy as parents rushed to pick up their children after a shooting at the nearby Islamic Center of San Diego on Monday, May 18. The attack, carried out by two armed teenagers, killed security guard Amin Abdullah, 51, Nadir Awad, 57, and Mansour Kaziha, 78, who were hailed as heroes for protecting 140 children.

The shooters died from self-inflicted wounds. A 75-page manifesto circulating online promoted white supremacist ideology and hate speech against various communities.

In the midst of the frenzy, the author, Noah, found himself obsessing over a trivial memory from over a decade ago—his wife mentioning a "charming" guy she met in college. This intrusive thought, triggered by the word "charming," brought back feelings of retroactive jealousy.

He questioned his own sanity, thinking, "What kind of person are you?" Under acute stress, research suggests the brain can enter a fragmented emotional state, where old, charged memories can reactivate and feel present rather than remembered.

For his daughter, the worst day of her life has already occurred. She has since spoken of nightmares and expressed frustration with her dreamcatcher for not doing its job.

She has said things like, "If you leave the door unlocked, bad men will come into your house" and "Thieves can put you in a suitcase and throw you down the stairs." Other parents of transitional kindergarten and kindergarten students described similar anxiety and sleep issues. One classmate told her the next day that she "disagrees with God." The day after the shooting, the school reported 100 students absent.

Thursday was shortened to a half-day for staff to process the event.

Details remain incomplete. What is clear is that shots were fired while part of the class was on the playground.

An armed guard immediately initiated the lockdown protocol. An alert was sent to parents, followed by nine minutes of silence that felt like an eternity.

Police entered the campus. A group was moved inside the building.

Some children may have crawled through hallways. The author's daughter was under a desk.

She said the constant opening and closing of a door scared her. They were watching "The Lion King." The release occurred hours later.

When they finally reached her—after showing identification, amid a chaotic crowd of parents and heavy police presence—she saw her mother and cried.

The author's family frequently saw Amin Abdullah. They will not see him again.

As a millennial, the author noted that the "manosphere" he knew was more focused on social techniques than today's extreme ideologies. Now, it all seems like a relic.

On the way home, his daughter screamed, "Why did you bend my world?" referring to a school project—a paper Earth—that was damaged in the chaos.